Suburban Mom Fears Computer Virus “Vaccine” Will Give Her Laptop Autism

Suburban mom Gail Moore reportedly refused to install a file, colloquially known as a ‘vaccine’ against ransomware attacks, onto her company-issued laptop out of fear her computer would contract autism. Her employer had issued a statement to all employees stating how to create the precautionary file to protect their files from becoming locked by hackers, but Moore became suspicious once her co-workers started using the term ‘vaccine.’

“At first, I thought Big Business might want me to install this file for their own sick purposes,” said Moore, as she scrolled through Facebook and gave a ‘Love’ react to her friend’s Minion meme. “But then I began researching further. And you know what I found out, buried in the third page of Bing search results? Vaccines cause autism. No way I’m taking any chances with my laptop.”

To install the vaccine, one simply needs to create a read-only file with the title ‘perfc’ and place it in their computer’s main Windows folder. If this is not done, the computer’s files can be locked until the owner sends the hackers $300.

Moore went on to explain how vaccines contain “toxins” that cause autism, constantly reaffirming that “there have been studies.”

“Did you know that if you rub some coconut oil on your autism three times per day, you’ll be cured? Most people don’t know that. But you can’t pour coconut oil into a computer. That’s just science. So, effectively, there is no cure for what this vaccine might cause.”

At press time, Moore was seen demanding $300 from her employer, stating that if she didn’t pay up, all of her FarmVille crops would die.