‘Suck It,’ Says Graduate With 2.6 GPA

With commencement ceremonies taking place throughout the coming weeks, graduating senior Greg Daniels reportedly told a group of freshman to “suck it” while gloating about graduating with a 2.6 GPA.

“Growing up, teachers told me I would never amount to anything, but look at me now! Six years later and I’m walking the stage!” Daniels bragged, “I’m even graduating with a 2.6. Not to brag or anything, but that’s six points higher than the graduation requirement.”

Three of Daniels’s professors have admitted that they just passed him this time around because they couldn’t stand to see his face another semester. Sources close to Daniels say that he has not stopped singing “Damn It Feels Good To Be A Gangsta” while applying to managerial positions at various fast food restaurants.