Super Unqualifed Review Of The Xbox Series Whatever And PS5

So you’re looking for a new gaming console? Or you’re just tired of that old system you have collecting dust on your entertainment system. Either way, you are just in time for our expert review of the Xbox Series whatever and the PS5!

Starting off with something seen straight out of 2001: A Space Odyssey, we have the Xbox monolith. I mean look at it: its a fucking block of metal. Seeing as I have an older version of that block of metal, I was looking forward to the new specs – but the only thing that has changed is the dimensions. It went from a 12 by 3 by 9 block of metal to a 5 by 5 by 12 block of metal. But the good stuff: the controller. It’s exactly the same, does the same shit, but has one extra button. I don’t have a clue as to what that button does, but it’s there. The real test was when I tried to play games… it works! It’s a fully functional gaming console. So if you want to play on a monolith with the same controller and it limiting cross platform game play, the Xbox series whatever is for you. 

Now we have the PS5. It kinda looks like they copied the Xbox One, but then added a weird aesthetic thing to it, and i’m just not understanding why there can’t be parallel lines? Like the top curves into the middle and so does the bottom. Also, are gamers interested in aesthetics, like do y’all like that? Anyway, the really cool thing about this is the controller. I heard it got upgraded and like ~ really ~ vibrates. So if you think of it, it’s dual shockwave component can be used for dual purposes. As far as gaming, eh it’s just like any other one – it works. 

I’m not really sure what you were looking for in this review; obviously the two consoles would work, otherwise why would they be for sale? C’mon guys, use your fucking brain.