A Letter from President Kelly: It’s OWL Over! H.A.G.S. Lol
Wowzers. What a year. Can you believe it, kiddos? Its me again, Daddy Kelly (that’s my real name now, btw). And it’s about time I…
Finals Week
Fucking Loser Costs Entire Class Their Curve
Tuesday morning, freshman and Fucking Loser Josh Raheem cost his whole class the curve when he got a 100 on the final exam in his…
Student Leaves Literal Trail of Tears Turning in History Final
Student Emily Bleacher, after nights of procrastination, left a literal Trail of Tears behind her as she turned in her History final. “I thought that…
‘K Sent from my iPhone’ Replies Professor to Student’s 3,000 Word Makeup Final Plea
A student became puzzled on Wednesday night after her professor responded to her 3,000 word makeup final request with an email that simply said “K”. Student Jenifer…
Student Absent All Semester Bravely Takes Final Exam
In a remarkable display of courage Tuesday, FAU freshman Wyatt Graham attended his Calculus 101 final despite having been absent for the entire semester. “The…
Student Caught Snacking on Bacon in Hillel Jewish Center
The normally vacant Hillel Jewish Center has been overflowing with students cramming for finals week, including accounting student Stefani Eryn, who committed one of the…
An Open Letter from the Final Paper You’ve Been Putting Off
Dear Unwilling Student, December is upon us, and the semester is approaching its end. It’s difficult to believe we’ve come all this way together, and…
Video Capture Student Holds Binge-Watching Party for Entire Season of Business Law Lectures
In a desperate attempt to combat the crushing pressure of being six lectures behind, Junior student Katy Nichols will hold a binge-watching party for all…
Student Pulls All Nighter for Algebra Exam, Ends Up Expert in Franco-Prussian War
After three red bulls, two panic attacks, and one long night of studying, student Cassandra Laporte left for her Algebra exam Friday morning only to…
A Letter from President Kelly: Finals Week! We’re FINALly Here! Haha
Hey kiddos, me again. Your daddy-o and supreme leader PrezKel. Congrats, we made it fam. We FINALly made it! Haha. Yup, it’s officially Finals Week…