A Letter from President Kelly: It’s OWL Over! H.A.G.S. Lol
Wowzers. What a year. Can you believe it, kiddos? Its me again, Daddy Kelly (that’s my real name now, btw). And it’s about time I…
President Kelly
President Kelly Applies to Legally Change Name to ‘Daddy’
President John Kelly has rocked the FAU student body by trying to legally change his name to ‘Daddy Kelly.’ President Kelly has always tried to…
A Letter from President Kelly: Finals Week! We’re FINALly Here! Haha
Hey kiddos, me again. Your daddy-o and supreme leader PrezKel. Congrats, we made it fam. We FINALly made it! Haha. Yup, it’s officially Finals Week…
Wimberly Library to be Transformed into Chick-fil-A ‘West’
In a bizarre turn of events, FAU’s President Kelly announced Friday morning that the Wimberly Library will finally be getting the renovation they’ve been asking…
BREAKING: The Wiggles to Replace Ke$ha at OWL Fest
On Wednesday morning, it was announced that Ke$ha had been replaced by The Wiggles as the headlining musical act of the FAU Homecoming concert. The…
Breezeway Construction Mystery Solved as President Kelly Unveils Memorial Harambe Statue
After overhearing whispers among students about how they never noticed construction workers to be present at the closed-off section of the Breezeway, FAU President John…
President Kelly: There Will Be a Mewtwo at the Stadium Tonight, I Swear
At 11 A.M. on Saturday morning, FAU’s President Kelly held a press conference at the Baldwin House to entice students into attending the night’s football game,…
A Letter from President Kelly: Welcome Back, Motherfuckers
Hey kiddos, it’s me. Your prez. Welcome back home. What’s kicking! So I know this summer has been quite eventful and exciting for a lot…
FAU Unveils Potty Training Program for Students Who Can’t Piss on Target
Addressing the ongoing problem of piss-filled toilet seats in FAU’s student restrooms, the university’s administration has announced a 3 million dollar potty-training program to help…
FAU Recruits Furby as New Mascot
Three months after the horrific Thanksgiving disappearance of its beloved mascot Owlsley, the FAU administration has finally chosen the new face of the university: 90s…