President Kelly Offended No Celebrities Paid To Get Their Child Into FAU
Amidst the accusations against the many celebrities and wealthy who have illegally paid enormous sums to guarantee their children a spot in different universities, President…
President Kelly
President Kelly Declares Campus-Wide Emergency Forcing Students To Attend Sporting Events
President John Kelly enacted a campus-wide emergency Wednesday in response to the subpar attendance at university sporting events. “We’re going to be signing today and…
7 President Kelly Tweets That Reveal He’s A Shapeshifting Reptilian Humanoid
1. Most would assume he was just enjoying his summer, but don’t scaley monsters also like to rest in the sun? 2. Hiding something, Kelly?…
Confused FAU President John Kelly Prepares Himself for New Job as White House Chief of Staff
FAU President John Kelly became confused on Friday afternoon as he realized United States President Donald Trump had named “John F Kelly” the new White…
FAU Administration To Run Sexy Car Wash Amid Budget Cuts
After reports of a $6 million loss in state funding for FAU this week, the University’s CFO Jeff Atwater announced that he would be running…
A Letter from President Kelly: It’s OWL Over! H.A.G.S. Lol
Wowzers. What a year. Can you believe it, kiddos? Its me again, Daddy Kelly (that’s my real name now, btw). And it’s about time I…
President Kelly Applies to Legally Change Name to ‘Daddy’
President John Kelly has rocked the FAU student body by trying to legally change his name to ‘Daddy Kelly.’ President Kelly has always tried to…
A Letter from President Kelly: Finals Week! We’re FINALly Here! Haha
Hey kiddos, me again. Your daddy-o and supreme leader PrezKel. Congrats, we made it fam. We FINALly made it! Haha. Yup, it’s officially Finals Week…
Wimberly Library to be Transformed into Chick-fil-A ‘West’
In a bizarre turn of events, FAU’s President Kelly announced Friday morning that the Wimberly Library will finally be getting the renovation they’ve been asking…
BREAKING: The Wiggles to Replace Ke$ha at OWL Fest
On Wednesday morning, it was announced that Ke$ha had been replaced by The Wiggles as the headlining musical act of the FAU Homecoming concert. The…