Confused FAU President John Kelly Prepares Himself for New Job as White House Chief of Staff
FAU President John Kelly became confused on Friday afternoon as he realized United States President Donald Trump had named “John F Kelly” the new White…
President Kelly
FAU Administration To Run Sexy Car Wash Amid Budget Cuts
After reports of a $6 million loss in state funding for FAU this week, the University’s CFO Jeff Atwater announced that he would be running…
A Letter from President Kelly: It’s OWL Over! H.A.G.S. Lol
Wowzers. What a year. Can you believe it, kiddos? Its me again, Daddy Kelly (that’s my real name now, btw). And it’s about time I…
President Kelly Applies to Legally Change Name to ‘Daddy’
President John Kelly has rocked the FAU student body by trying to legally change his name to ‘Daddy Kelly.’ President Kelly has always tried to…
A Letter from President Kelly: Finals Week! We’re FINALly Here! Haha
Hey kiddos, me again. Your daddy-o and supreme leader PrezKel. Congrats, we made it fam. We FINALly made it! Haha. Yup, it’s officially Finals Week…
Wimberly Library to be Transformed into Chick-fil-A ‘West’
In a bizarre turn of events, FAU’s President Kelly announced Friday morning that the Wimberly Library will finally be getting the renovation they’ve been asking…
BREAKING: The Wiggles to Replace Ke$ha at OWL Fest
On Wednesday morning, it was announced that Ke$ha had been replaced by The Wiggles as the headlining musical act of the FAU Homecoming concert. The…
Breezeway Construction Mystery Solved as President Kelly Unveils Memorial Harambe Statue
After overhearing whispers among students about how they never noticed construction workers to be present at the closed-off section of the Breezeway, FAU President John…
President Kelly: There Will Be a Mewtwo at the Stadium Tonight, I Swear
At 11 A.M. on Saturday morning, FAU’s President Kelly held a press conference at the Baldwin House to entice students into attending the night’s football game,…
A Letter from President Kelly: Welcome Back, Motherfuckers
Hey kiddos, it’s me. Your prez. Welcome back home. What’s kicking! So I know this summer has been quite eventful and exciting for a lot…