Pres. Kelly Promoted To The Board Of Trustees’ Best Owl Boi
Reports are coming in from the Office of the President of the University that the rumors of Pres. John Kelly’s promotion by FAU’s Board of…
President Kelly
President Kelly’s Sextape From ’84 Leaked Online
In what is surprisingly not so shocking news, President Kelly has had his 1984 sextape leaked. It appeared online Thursday night on a random and…
FAU President John Kelly’s Sexy Photoshoot 2021 Calendar Now 50% Off
In a move hailed as unprecedented by university presidents, John Kelly has decided to give FAU quite the treat for 2021: a professionally-shot Kelly Kalendar,…
Breaking: President Kelly Finally Makes A Statement
At a surprise press conference Monday night, President Kelly released an officially unofficial statement regarding both the Covid-19 cases and the Housing debacle reported on…
President Kelly To Send TBHs To Everyones Email
While times may be strange right now, with all students taking remote classes and slightly losing our grasp on reality, there is hope. President Kelly…
President Kelly Offended No Celebrities Paid To Get Their Child Into FAU
Amidst the accusations against the many celebrities and wealthy who have illegally paid enormous sums to guarantee their children a spot in different universities, President…
President Kelly Declares Campus-Wide Emergency Forcing Students To Attend Sporting Events
President John Kelly enacted a campus-wide emergency Wednesday in response to the subpar attendance at university sporting events. “We’re going to be signing today and…
7 President Kelly Tweets That Reveal He’s A Shapeshifting Reptilian Humanoid
1. Most would assume he was just enjoying his summer, but don’t scaley monsters also like to rest in the sun? 2. Hiding something, Kelly?…
Confused FAU President John Kelly Prepares Himself for New Job as White House Chief of Staff
FAU President John Kelly became confused on Friday afternoon as he realized United States President Donald Trump had named “John F Kelly” the new White…
FAU Administration To Run Sexy Car Wash Amid Budget Cuts
After reports of a $6 million loss in state funding for FAU this week, the University’s CFO Jeff Atwater announced that he would be running…