Smart Student Always Called On Last Gets Hand Amputated
The paramedic’s were called to Prof. Andy Furgison’s 9am 20th Century Literary Movements course after Jack Dunn passed out mid-class. Hoot reporters were on the…
Student
Student Who Submitted Online Exam First Wins Nobel Peace Prize
Sources confirmed Friday that sophomore Brady Thompson, who was the first student to submit the online midterm examination for his Intro to Psychology course, has…
‘Fuck It,’ Says FAU Barista After Failing To Hear Student’s Name
Repeatedly struggling to hear the customer’s name, on-campus Starbucks barista Dylan Kennedy reportedly released a long, exasperated sigh Friday and whispered “fuck it” to himself….
Student Disappointed Not A Single Fast & Furious Movie On Film Appreciation Syllabus
Visibly becoming more despondent as he painstakingly examined the course syllabus, freshman Jake Sim was utterly disappointed Friday to discover that not a single movie…
Professor Furious Upon Discovering He And Student Mooched Off Same Quizlet Flashcards
Seething with unbridled resentment as he reviewed his Introduction to Anthropology class’ final exam results, Professor Roderick Walker was furious Monday upon reportedly discovering that…
‘This Is Actually Pretty Interesting,’ Says Student Who Finally Attends Class For The First Time
On a historic Friday morning, sophomore student Alecia Evans finally attended her sociology class for the first time this semester. Across campus, many students decide…
Student Too Cool To Join Organizations Hasn’t Spoken To Anyone In Three Years
A recent report revealed that, among the junior class at FAU, one student had refrained from joining student organizations in hopes of appearing cooler, thus…
‘I Don’t Have Time To Do Homework,’ Complains Student Who Spent Past Three Hours Doing Absolutely Nothing
Overwhelmed by her accumulating mass of unfinished school assignments, FAU student Marie Kempton complained Monday that she does not possess the time to complete her…
Student Shocked This Really Isn’t Something He Could Do In One Night
Despite receiving numerous warnings from his professor at the beginning of the spring semester, junior Jeff Brown was utterly shocked Wednesday to discover that he…
Student Disappointed To Be Living In FAU’s Pre-Glory Days
With the constant construction and new campus organizations just beginning to develop, sophomore Devon Sim, student and aspiring poet, reportedly expressed disappointment Friday that they…