“I Am Thankful for… My Hot Cousin?!”

Local student Rocco Taylor got a shock this year upon meeting his cousin Brittany for the first time, where he immediately found himself uncontrollably attracted to her. Thanksgiving dinner at the Taylor household typically consists of just his immediate family, but this year, his entire extended family arrived, along with the extended family members’ own extended family members. Taylor knew that he had not yet met most of the relatives but was completely caught off-guard when he spotted Brittany. “She was one of the most beautiful girls I’d ever seen, with glistening, long blonde hair and hazel eyes,” Taylor said, nuzzling a lock of her hair that he cut off while her back was turned. His dreams were “crushed” when Brittany introduced herself as his mom’s uncle’s cousin’s daughter two times removed, as well as an occasional vegan crossfitter. Given the hazy circumstances of the situation, Rocco realized that this love would be forbidden. “It really sucks that we’re in some way related, because I’d totally tap that,” exclaimed the studly Rocco. At press time, Taylor was seen taking Brittany into his room to show her his sweet ukulele and magic 8-ball.