The Hoot Ranks: Quotes From The Second Presidential Debate

Here at The Hoot, we have sent out our two unbiased reporters to stake out the Second Presidential Debate. Our two reports are Benjamin Sharpie, Exercise Science major and Political Science minor, and Kristina Pugh, Engineering major and Political Science minor. They have cultivated the spirit of this year’s election, and have ranked some of the most important quotes from last Friday’s debate. 

We bring you now, the ten ranked quotes and our reporters feedback as well.

  1. Donald Trump: “I am the least racist person in this room”
    • Pugh: “I’m struggling with words here because we have the receipts. Mr. President you need to shut up because not only have you not condemned white supremacists, but, during the trial of the Central Park Five, you printed in multiple magazines and newspapers “Bring Back The Death Penalty, Bring Back Our Police.” You sir need to sit down and shut the fuck up. I also cackled at my television while you lied to the American people.”
  2. Joe Biden: “We had a good relationship with Hitler before he in fact invaded Europe. Come on”
    • Sharpie: “This dude doesn’t know History! If we had such a good relationship with Hitler and Germany, then riddle me this: why did the Germans bomb Pearl Harbor? Check and mate, shitlib.” 
  3. Joe Biden: “He’s a very confused guy. He thinks he’s running against somebody else. He’s running against Joe Biden. I beat all those other [Democratic candidates] because I disagreed with them”
    • Sharpie: “Well Joey boy he isn’t running against just you. He’s running against you and Harris and Bernie and AOC and those other Libfucks in Congress that’ll ruin this country’s top 1%. By the way, did y’all see AOC’s Among Us stream? Funny shit. Uh, I mean it would’ve been funny if Lindsey Graham or Mitch McConnell (that saint) were playing instead of some BLM loving socialist.” 
  4. Donald Trump: “(Wind energy) is very expensive, kills a lot of birds”
    • Pugh: “Okay, so do wind turbines kill birds? Yes. Do wind turbines kill ‘a lot’ of birds? Depends on how you measure it. Research conducted by Benjamin Sovacool, PhD, of the Science Policy Research Unit shows that wind power kills between 20 and 570 thousand birds per year. That’s about 0.269 birds killed per Gigawatt hour produced by wind turbines. Now that sounds like a lot, until you look at the other causes of bird death. Communication towers kill between 4 and 50 million birds per year, fossil fuel plants kill 14 million birds per year, buildings and windows kill between 365 and 988 million birds per year, and domestic and feral cats kill between 210 million and 3.7 billion birds every year. Suffice to say that, yes, wind turbines do kill birds, but if we really cared about the birds we’d be using fewer fossil fuel plants and taking care of feral and domestic cats. Those are the real killers of birds. Also, Mr. President, we all know birds aren’t real. They’re all drones. They’re not actually dying.” 
  5. Joe Biden: “There is institutionalized racism in America”
    • Sharpie: “Bruh, okay you stuttering Communist, racism is over. We had a Black President. You know, that guy whose bitch you were?” 
  6. Donald Trump: “I will not sacrifice tens and millions of jobs, thousands and thousands of companies because of the Paris accords”
    • Pugh: “Mr. President, you won’t be sacrificing anything. You’ll be making the profit margins of a few companies slightly smaller to protect the climate of our nation and future generations. It is obvious that you don’t care about future generations of Americans when you don’t even care about this generation of Americans.” 
  7. Joe Biden: “Healthcare is not a privilege, it’s a right”
    • Sharpie: “Chill the fuck out Bernie Bro. Health Care isn’t a ‘Right.’ If it was a Right, then the Framers of the Constitution would’ve written it in, or Lin-Manuel Miranda would’ve written a Federalist Paper about it. Wait. Let me go check that. I haven’t actually read those…Nope! Nowhere to be seen!”
  8. Donald Trump: “We’re fighting it and we’re fighting it hard… We’re rounding the corner. It’s going away”
    • Pugh: “So we are rounding the corner into a grave, got it. Honestly I’m surprised you are commenting on COVID-19 seeing as you believe it’s a hoax, and you magically got ‘cured’ and you are now ‘immune’. Even Melania hopes COVID will be the thing that finally gets you.”
  9. Joe Biden: “Russia does not want me to be elected”
    • Sharpie: “No offense to all the stupid libtards, but no one wants you elected, Biden. I’d rather have someone who is making out with Putin every month in Kim Jong-un’s nuclear basement than a 70 year old with Dementia.”
  10. Donald Trump: “Children are brought here by coyotes and lots of bad people.”
    • Pugh: “Orange man bad”

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