Alone tonight again? Pathetic. Don’t worry, though, because we’ve got you covered. Here’s our top-five list of on-campus locations to trespass when you’re bored.
1.) FAU Stadium Behind the Subway: Go at 9:52 p.m. when they throw away the footlongs. Nothing slaps harder than one of these iconic FAU Subway dumpster sandwiches.
2.) Wimberly Library on a Friday Night: Sure, Wimberly Library is open 24/5, but what fun is being somewhere when you’re allowed to be there. Strap on a pair of Moon Shoes, then hop your way up to the ceiling and hide in the rafters until everyone leaves. Dance and prance naked among the books and the audio archive department. Only God can judge you.
3.) FAU Police Department: The trick is to come in from the outside by going underground. Who’s going to call the cops on you… the cops? I doubt it.
4.) Rock Climbing Facility: It’s all right. Not the best, but if you have time, check it out. If climbing is your thing, definitely go for it.
5.) President Kelly’s Office: Parkour vertically up to the rooftop of the administration building and sneak in through a hatch during the ungodly hours of the night. Be very quiet because Daddy is sleeping. Peek into the drawer of his desk filled with curious things. Please ignore Owsley laying in the fetal position underneath Daddy’s standing desk — he’s going through stuff and it’s none of your damn business. Make sure you give our king a wee kiss on the head and leave him a gift card to Yard House to express your gratitude before tiptoeing out. Happy trespassing!