Top 8 SEXIEST Halloween Costumes of 2017

This year’s eight BEST and SEXIEST Halloween costumes push way past the allure of cats, lumberjacks, and Italian plumbers. Shield your eyes, parents: We’re getting extra naughty this year!

1. Lane and Monte Kiffin

An official poll has revealed that 9 out of every 10 FAU students refers to Lane Kiffin as “Daddy.” For those of you really trying to make a statement this Halloween, get a friend so you can go together as Daddy and Daddy’s daddy. To make this even more fun, you and a friend can totally disappear from wherever you are and just end up at a totally different party an hour later without any warning, am I right there, Tennesse? It’s getting hot in here!

 

2. Crippling Student Loan Debt

Kinkster alert! Nothing strikes fear in somebody’s heart like Crippling Student Loan Debt, but let me tell you, this really gets me turned on. If you thought choking was sexy, go out as your FAFSA loan debt and give bondage a whole new meaning.

 

3. Professor Lovelace

Fellas, remember how you barely got a “C” in this man’s class because you were more intrigued about what was hiding under his ballcap than you were about your course material? Well, now it’s your turn to dress up as the mysterious Anatomy and Life Science LEGEND. And do we even have to explain his rampant eroticism? It’s right there in his name.

 

4. Sexy Owlsley

Nothing gets a roaring crowd of 13 fans going on a Fall day quite like Owlsley. Instead of wearing a cliche Jesus costume, you can be the Messiah of your Halloween by dressing as the sexiest sex symbol in all of college football.

 

5. Parking Officer / FAU PD (TIE!!)

The most frustrating thing that can happen at FAU is having a run in with Parking and Transportation or an FAU police officer. Dress up as one of them and ask people if they ever said “fuck the police” or “fuck parking!” Then, in all of your Halloween glory, say, “Now you can,” and wink.

 

6. Sexy Elmo

Gurrrrl, this is ELMO’S WORLD. Need I say more?

 

7. FAU Baseball Player

Sometimes the most beautiful things are the things that we push off to the corner, give zero love or respect, put in a horrible stadium, and totally disregard despite being the school’s most successful sports team. Dressing as an FAU Baseball Player is the perfect costume for the all-night party crowd. People might not notice early in the evening, but believe me, this costume will be among the hottest by the end of the night.

 

8. Living Room Theaters Patron

Nothing says sexy quite like a cranky old man with fat wads of cash sticking out of his cargo shorts.