Larry Abelard, a biology major and total nerd who sources deduce has no friends or family, actually reads during reading week, reports from those familiar with Abelard confirmed Wednesday.
Sources have confirmed that the complete dork has been identified inside of Wimberly Library on numerous occasions throughout the week, reading intently from his chemistry textbook and completing an accompanying series of practice exercises, a scene which witnesses describe as “embarrassingly geeky.”
“Every day this week, I’ve seen him waltz in here, plop down at one of the carrel desks, and read from his nerdy science book,” FAU librarian Rachel Moore told reporters, adding that the huge dweeb will regularly study for hours on end without respite. “From the moment he enters to the moment he leaves, he just stays right where he is, head down, zeroed in on whatever bunch of dumb nerd shit he’s reading about. He doesn’t stop to check his Facebook, respond to a text, nothing. So lame.”
“Poindexter still probably hasn’t even gotten laid,” Moore added.
According to reports, the egghead has checked out several additional reading materials from the library to bring home with him. Sources also added that none of it features anything even remotely cool like dragons or motorcycles, just more drab, boring nonsense about chemical reactions.
“It’s like, here I am trying to enjoy my second spring break, and he’s over there with his nose buried in books, a living reminder that finals are next week,” roommate Craig Gordon told reporters. “I mean, Larry’s a nice dude or whatever, but Jesus Christ, somebody needs to shove that guy into a locker. I want to take advantage of my time off from classes without stressing about the impending final paper worth thirty percent of my grade that I haven’t started yet.”
When reached for comment, Abelard appeared unaware of the ubiquitous negativity surrounding his diligent study habits.
“I feel prepared for my final, but I’m gonna go ahead and read through the final chapter again just to be thorough,” the absolute geek told reporters, further cementing that he will likely remain alone forever.