Republican presidential front-runner Donald J. Trump is reported to have changed his mind on his stern anti-Mexico immigration policy after trying enchiladas at an authentic Mexican cantina near Miami Sunday night.
Following a long, caucasian rally in Boca Raton, the presidential hopeful was reported to have grunted “Donny need food now” to his staff, who thought that taking him to a Mexican restaurant would give him a 3% boost in polls among “stupid fuck” Latinos ahead of the March 15th primaries. “We know the rational-thinking Latino community hates this man, but we thought that we could reel in some crazies if we posted a pic of Donny with some Tacos,” said one senior staff member. “You know: real, authentic Mexican food.”
The staff chose local restaurant “Tacocitos” for their venture, a Mexican cantina known for their homemade dishes and authentic Mexican employees. “Many would use this opportunity to kill him,” said Chef Garcia, owner of the Hialeah restaurant. “But I realized that I could just kill the hateful man inside him by serving him one of my delicious enchiladas.”
After a few minutes of awkward silence upon being seated, The Donald is reported to have said, “Food!”
Campaign manager Corey Lewandowski then said to the waitress, “Hola, como estares, I estoy la campaña manager of el Donaldocito Trump y want Tacos.”
The waitress replied with, “Okay, I’ll bring you some tacos.” In on the plan with Chef Garcia, the waitress said she knew Trump and his campaign manager had “no idea” what the difference between a taco and enchilada was.
As soon as they laid eyes on the enchiladas, the two white men became “stunned” at the fact that the “authentic Mexican Tacos” were nothing like the ones they get at Taco Bell. After one bite of the “unique” cuisine, Donaldocito’s world-view came “shattering down” as he immediately ripped off his toupee and yelled “I LOVE MEXICO.”
At a press conference Monday morning, Trump declared his new stance on immigration, switching from “get them out” to “bring them all in… literally all of them.” The Donald went on to say, “We could use the good authentic meals. We need these authentic meals. Taco Bell is an abortion for Mexicans, and we need real tacos like the ones I had last night, let me tell you. I’m going to try to buy Mexico, and you are going to love it, I can guarantee. You are going to love it.“
Trump supporters everywhere embraced the new platform, with many going out of their way to tenderly hug a landscaper, Mexican or not, to show that they really mean it.