Vegan Student Eats Dining Hall Garden Burgers Every Day, Only Poops Corn

Sandra Dion, freshman Nursing major and vegan of four years, has spent the past nine months eating nothing but the Atlantic Dining Hall’s garden burger. The garden burger, found in the Nature’s Market, is an Atlantic Dining Hall staple. It has been described as having the texture of chunky sand and the flavor of a wet balloon. Occasionally swapped out with the chili black bean burger, the majority of the ingredients of the garden burger remain a mystery. Corn is the only ingredient that can be made out in her daily garden burger, and Dion says that she has not have had a bowel movement that lacked a great number of whole corn kernels.

“Yeah, it’s gross, I know,” said Dion. “But I know who I am. I’m a friend, a daughter, an activist, and a vegan. I only eat garden burgers and I poop corn kernels and that’s just my life. I want to let all my fellow garden burger eating folk that they’re not alone.”

Dion is the founder of the FAU Corn Poop Support Group. They meet Wednesday nights in the Breezeway bathrooms. She describes it as being a safe space for garden burger eaters of all backgrounds to poop in peace and not having to worry that people are judging them for the horrendous and ungodly sound of corn kernels popping into the water one by one. “You get a garbanzo loaf now and then but it’s such an underwhelming experience. The garden burger has changed the game of plant-based eating. It makes me so excited for the future of vegan cuisine.”

“Eat that garden burger,” Dion went on to say. “Look at your stool with pride knowing that you are the change you that you want to see in the world.”