Locked arm-in-arm by their scrunchies surrounding the on-campus Dunkin’ Donuts, a group of aggressive VSCO girls protesting the multinational company’s use of plastic and its harmful effects on sea turtles Monday resorted to eating the restaurant’s entire stock of plastic straws themselves, according to sources. “Sksksk-scare Dunkin’ off campus!” demanded one of the VSCO girls through a mouthful of chewed plastic. “They’re gonna kill every last turtle with these straws. If Starbucks can get on board with their paper straws, why can’t Dunkin’? I refuse to fill up my Hydro Flask here until they do.” At press time, EMTs were rushed to the scene to revive several of the girls who had asphyxiated after trying to swallow multiple straws at once. The remaining girls were forcibly removed from the premises by campus security while reportedly shouting “and I oop-”
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