Your Weekly Horoscope 2/26-3/4

The moon is dealing with some springtime allergies this week- here’s what that means for YOUR sign!

Pisces (Feb 20-Mar 20)

Your imaginative and sensitive nature will shine this week as you think of helpful ways and thoughtful things to say to the moon as it copes with having a runny nose. Take it easy this week, Pisces, but stay true to yourself and don’t let anyone take advantage of you. Expect a cute boy to try and convince you that Einstein’s new avocado toast is the shit. Don’t listen to him. You know that the asiago bagel with onion and chive shmear is ALWAYS the way to go. Maybe consider opening his eyes to a world of better flavor combinations? Or nah, depending on if he’s nice or not.

Aries (Mar 21-Apr 20)

You have a great, adventurous week ahead of you, Aires! But be wary of the springtime season, as it is becoming March. If the moon has to deal with these allergies, then so do you! So stay indoors. You may feel the unsettling urge to do something crazy and impulsive, like go outside and exercise or something, but resist that urge and settle for something indoors later this week. How about jogging in place at home? The moon just really doesn’t want yall to suffer these allergies.

Taurus (Apr 21-May 21)

Your patient and reliable mannerisms will be very comforting to the moon this week, as you will be the one to provide tissues and some nice positive words during its time of need. Just be aware that you aren’t the only emotionally in-tune sign, and that other signs like Cancer will also want to spend some time comforting the moon. Expect a lot of homework in your science classes this week, Taurus, as science professors all over the globe will realize it’s already spring break and they’ve been moving at a slow crawling pace. Most of your classmates will complain, but don’t let that ruin your productivity!

Gemini (May 22-June 21)

The moon’s allergies won’t really be affecting you as much as other signs. You will be feeling especially youthful and lively this week, as spring break approaches and you look forward to all of the fun you will have being a Gemini! Watch out for people trying to kill your vibe. Expect some asshole to try and slap your sandwich out of your hand on Thursday. Be on the lookout to prevent this from happening. Make Sure to put him in his place by smacking his shitty $6 to-go sushi onto the floor and asking him how he likes it. You’ll be doing him a favor anyway.

Cancer (June 22-July 22)

Your emotional and loving mannerisms will really shine this week, as always. The moon is really suffering from these allergies and YOU are the best friend the moon has always needed. A shoulder to cry on, a friend to enjoy McDonald’s chicken nuggets and signature sauce with, you and the moon will be besties this week. Expect some bullshit to stir up in your family life this weekend. Maybe your pet frog will betray you and decide it’s moving out. Let it happen, and be the understanding person you are on the inside. Don’t let your emotional attachment to Frobert keep you from living your best life, Cancer!

Leo (July 23-Aug 21)

Being such a faithful and enthusiastic individual, you will spend some quality time hanging out with your pal, the moon, since they’re dealing with some allergies and need a good friend to entertain them. Expect a crazy week ahead of you, Leo. Anything could happen! You may wake up on Wednesday to find a huge bounce house in the housing lawn waiting for you. Go bounce in it! Hell yeah! You’re a Leo and you’re Motherfuckin’ Awesome™.

Virgo (Aug 22-Sept 23)

Your practical and diligent manners mark you as the first person to reach out and help the moon get through these allergies, Virgo. You provide some allergy medication pills that the moon is very thankful for. Expect some good things to come this week! Maybe one of the FAU cats will be friendly and let you pet it! Keep your eyes peeled on Friday after classes for one of those soft-pawed sweeties snoopin’ around. They just want some love!

Libra (Sep 24-Oct 23)

Your romantic and sociable qualities will shine this week, Libra! The moon’s springtime allergies as we move into March are kind of a big deal, but you are prepared with tissues for both you- and the moon! Be looking forward to a peaceful week. Maybe you will be blessed with beautiful weather, or better yet- a sprinkler-free walk down the sidewalk back to UVA. Enjoy the little things.

Scorpio (Oct 24-Nov 22)

You have a pretty decent week ahead of you, Scorpio. Your emotional and Intuitive characteristics lead you to provide your dear friend, the moon, with some tissues and some words of encouragement to take it easy this allergy season. Expect things to get awkwardly emotional as this week comes to an end, especially with spring break approaching ahead. Expect the weird boy who has a crush on you in your English lecture to make a move before the end of the week and try to ask you to hang out. Make sure to make his life hell by not rejecting him, but rather saying, “Oh, actually I’m leaving early for spring break so I’m gone after today, sorry.” Thereby never communicating if you ever want to hang out or not.

Sagittarius (Nov 23-Dec 22)

Your optimistic and philosophical nature will lead you great places this week, Sagittarius! The moon’s allergies are not a bother to you, they will pass soon, leaving you and the moon to enjoy the beautiful spring weather. Expect a productive and successful week ahead, but look out for major distractions! You never know when a pro-lifer at a massive display on campus will step out of nowhere and make you debate with them for ten minutes and make you late to class. Know when to step away for your own good.

Capricorn (Dec 23-Jan 20)

You have a busy week ahead of you, Capricorn! Due to your ambitious and disciplined mannerisms, you helped the moon out as soon as you heard they were suffering from these allergies. The moon really appreciates you. Expect an overwhelming amount of stress ahead of you, early on this week. That essay you thought was due Thursday could possibly now be due Tuesday morning because your entitled professor wants to start spring break early. Don’t fret, though. Some Monster energy from the vending machine will get you through that Monday night essay and you’ll get to enjoy the rest of your week!

Aquarius (Jan 21-Feb 19)

You have a week full of surprises ahead of you, Aquarius! Your friendly and honest qualities leave you chatting with and supporting the moon through this tough time with the springtime allergies. Look out for new career opportunities opening up in your life. Maybe you’ll finally discover that graphic design is your passion, and decide to apply for a position on The Hoot’s Design Team? APPLY HERE! (Deadline April 16th!!)