‘Whoa, Whoa, Who Do You Know Here?’ Asks Wimberly Library Bouncer To Line Of Waiting Students

Positioning himself imposingly at the front door, Wimberly Library bouncer Rich Dourdan reportedly appeared confused Monday as he asked, “Whoa, whoa, who do you know here?” to a group of students waiting in line to enter. “Step aside over here, please,” said Dourdan, folding two massive arms across his burly chest and peering suspiciously over a pair of black sunglasses. “Yeah, I’m gonna need to see some ID. Did you hear what I said, you punks? Either show me some ID or get the fuck out of my line. You think this is a joke, huh? What if I let you in, and you were secretly some non-FAU student with a gun? Sorry, but the only way you’re getting in here with a gun is if you have an OWL Card along with it.” At press time, the Dunkin’ Donuts inside Wimberly Library announced that girls drink free on Thursdays.