Careless Driving Snowbird Drifts Slowly into Fifth Dimension

At around 7:00 A.M. on Friday morning, Florida snowbird and careless driver Betty Stevens, accompanied by her husband Edward, found herself accidentally drifting across i95 lanes and into the fifth dimension. Reports indicate that she was actually headed to a Dollar Store forty-two miles away from her home, because the one near her “just doesn’t have the same selection.”

Witnesses report that Stevens’ 1999 Lincoln Town Car was holding up the entire left lane when seemingly out of nowhere, a time-space vortex ripped through the fabric of reality. Betty slowly drove directly into it. The vortex immediately sealed shut afterwards, leaving no trace of either its existence or Betty’s.

“I’m not going to lie, I was a little relieved after she drove into that portal,” stated FAU junior Jake Schneider, who was trying to find a way to get around Betty when the extradimensional gateway converged around her. “I had to meet with my new study group and this lady was going like 20 in a 65. I think the fifth dimension will be a better place for her.”

Some at the scene were not as pleased. Driving to Miami for work, Jennifer Owens had wished that the tear in the multiverse would have happened a little sooner. “I got to work 15 minutes late because of that old hag. Even driving through the physical manifestation of a theoretical concept took far longer than it should have.”

The Stevens couple is no stranger to traveling the time-space continuum. Last summer while cruising over a solid yellow line on a Boca Raton road, the pair accidentally time traveled to the year 2588. Although it can not be confirmed, it is rumored that they were sent back two days after their arrival for causing a sixteen-vehicle pileup in the skylanes above the sunken remains of New Florida.