Former head coach of the FAU football team Charlie Partridge was discovered on the back of a garbage truck Monday morning, settling into his new job as Head Garbage Man of Waste Management in Palm Beach County. After being fired as head coach on Sunday following the final losing game of an awful season, Partridge went on a brief two hour “soul searching” session in which he became fully awakened to what he is saying is his true life calling.
This surprise career switch has reportedly rejuvenated Partridge, who claims this new position has an “air of familiarity” that appeals to him on a personal level. “It was good fun being head coach of a football team, but now I have a great new job helping heaps of garbage get to where they need to be,” said the new WM employee. Partridge went on to tell reporters that he was in a “really bad place” following his firing on Sunday, but that after “a few prayers and Google searches” he realized that he had always felt a spiritual link to trash in his previous jobs.
When asked about the major pay cut he would be taking, Partridge did not seem to mind at all. “It might not pay as well, but after one day of work, I can really see this company changing for the better,” stated the ex-football coach. “Who needs a five million dollar paycheck when you are being given an opportunity to follow your dreams?”
After news broke of Partridge’s new career, FAU Athletic Director Patrick Chun showed public support for his ex-colleague. “I am totally bummed I had to fire my bud Charlie, but it’s nice to see he found something he likes,” Chun said while sliding his own partially-completed Waste Management application off his desk.
At press time, Partridge was seen talking and bonding with the garbage, showing a level of happiness that has been absent for three years. It has also been reported that Chun is accepting résumés for the newly open FAU Football Coach position, with the only requirements being an ability to breathe and receive obscenely large paychecks.