Clinton and Trump End Months of Sexual Tension by Making Love at First Presidential Debate

The Republican and Democratic candidates began the first presidential debate of 2016 feeling nervous and awkward, but things took a turn in the opposite direction when, describing strategy to fight terrorism, Clinton stopped mid sentence, locked eyes with The Donald, and said, “Goddamn I love you.” Clinton and Trump then ran to the middle of the stage and started passionately kissing, beginning what could only be described as some of the most heated lovemaking the world had ever seen. As Hillary caressed Trump’s enormous bulge, Trump nuzzled the Secretary of State’s inner thigh through Clinton’s red pantsuit. They then rolled around on the floor for approximately eighty-six seconds before Clinton screamed, “Everyone get out!” Ten minutes later, with the whole audience still watching in disbelief, Trump climaxed and roared out in ecstasy, “Ch-Ch-Chinnaaa!” At press time, it was confirmed that the Clinton and Trump families have agreed to swap wives whenever they see fit, actualizing every American’s worst fear: that regardless of the outcome of the election, we will now have both the Clintons and the Trumps in the White House.