Creepy Clowns Accidentally Lure Helpless Hurricane

In a recent epidemic some are calling “CLOWNICANE 2016,” it has been confirmed that the Local Clown Society of Boca Raton has attracted the helpless Matthew, a literal hurricane. Reports confirm that this was the result of a misguided attempt to lure children into the woods, which went awry before the clowns could realize there were no woods in Boca Raton.

Local Meteorologist Brian Kinnette gave us some perspective on the science of the clowns and just how they summoned Matthew. “The real problem is how the clowns start the luring process: by densely packing up in tiny cars. In order to fit everyone, they have to retrofit certain aspects of the clown car, which usually leads to high CO2 emissions.” These CO2 emissions were released into the atmosphere and reacted with the natural air and water currents to cause Matthew to rotate towards South Florida against its will.

There have been rumors of Governor Rick Scott’s involvement with the clown clan, but as of right now his whereabouts are unknown. Along with Scott, Chuckles the Mime, Bilbo the Balloon Animal Master, and Mojo the Monkey have gone missing as well.

Although the clowns’ threats to shut down schools were successful, those who do happen to get out of the house this Thursday could see some of these frightening clowns camping out in Chick Fil A or clowning around on the FAU Boca campus.