What was intended to be a celebration of every millennial’s favorite decade turned vile instead of viral this week at FAU. By all logic, Student Government’s plans for “90s Week” should have been filled with Nintendo 64 games and Pogs, but due to a miscommunication, ended up turning the Boca campus into a crossover episode between “Golden Girls” and “Buffy the Vampire Slayer.”
“I wish I was expecting it,” sophomore June DuBois said, wrapped in the tattered remains of a banner which read ‘The 90s Are Alive in Boca.’ “At least then I could have brought some mothballs and hard candies instead of my Tamagotchi snapback.”
The slip-up started when the SGA member in charge of party ideas wrote “90s buses” on a napkin. Reports claim that the cryptic phrase actually referred to the traveling “FunBus” company which redecorates its bus interiors for different occasions, including an oft-requested 90s theme. But according to private sources within the administration, when the idea man passed his note to the people in charge of logistics, they misinterpreted the phrase and instead re-routed a pack of buses from Century Village.
“What surprised me the most was that they weren’t surprised,” said Junior Louis Felton, who spent months styling his hair so he would have both a mullet and a middle-part for the festivities. “From the moment they first got off the bus, they started asking about how to log onto their AOLs. They even had pagers on their hips and came decked out in baggy nylon jackets. I wish I was that prepared,” he recounted while using both hands to push his middle-part back behind his ears.
Luckily for all students, the phrase “foreign films” proved to be super-effective in redirecting the hoard of elderly flesh. As soon as a student uttered the phrase, the enemy would lose all emotion and walk in a straight line toward the Living Room Theaters. While some walked into walls and had to be manually redirected, eventually the containment facility swallowed up every last human on campus over 90, none of whom were ever seen again.
Campus members prefer to forget the incident ever happened, instead indulging in nostalgia to ease the pain, which seems to be par for the course for all in their age group. But those who pause their walkmans while passing by the Living Room Theaters can still hear the geriatric screams of FAU’s biggest mistake.