The FAU administration has spent ten thousand dollars on an ornately decorated, “exquisite” douglas fir Christmas tree to accompany the Hillel Jewish Center at the school’s Boca campus.
At precisely 8:00 A.M. Thursday morning, the tree was thrust through the doors of the Hillel. “One moment I’m trying to figure out travel plans to visit my family for Hanukkah, and the next there’s a Christmas tree being thrown at my head,” said student Andrew Goldberg. “It damn near knocked off my yamaka.”
Already ornately decorated, the tree stood at a towering 12 feet so students on both floors could awe in its significance. But not all students were excited about the development.
“Look, we all know that Christmas is the shit. No amount of latkes or gelt can change the fact that Hanukkah just isn’t as big of a deal to most people,” student Christina Schwarz said as she unwrapped a candy cane. “But you don’t need to remind us by abruptly shoving your Christmas tree through our doors without our consent.”
“I get enough of this working retail,” said student Amanda Cohen. “Every time I say ‘Happy Holidays’ to a middle-aged man at the checkout counter, he forcefully throws the words ‘Merry Christmas’ at my face. Even our own faith betrayed us this year by making the first night of Hanukkah on Christmas Eve. For G-d’s sake, just let us have our little Jewish Center to ourselves. Please.”
It would appear that the negative responses have been heard, as the tree has since been moved outside the Hillel, where it looms over all who pass through the center’s doors. The tree is planned to stay there until New Year’s Day, which happens to also be the last night of Hanukkah.
Protesters were seen forming around the tree at press time, screaming “Keep Christ in Christmas” at all who walked by.