Forensics Student A Little Too Into Coursework

With special niche social sciences professions come special responsibility. No one is more eager to embrace such than sophomore Cathy Vitale, aged 20, who, according to generous testimonials, is “way too into the dead people murder stuff.” Vitale, a very polite and somewhat shy young woman with a heavy, foreboding aura, can be spotted staring at the cabinet of skulls in SO-190 and gently tracing her fingers over the glass as if to shush them, to tell them goodnight. 

“Cathy’s kinda weird,” says boyfriend, Jacob Feldstein (21), a junior who flinches at the mention of her name, deeply in love. “She tells me she can read my bones. She knows how I will decay.” Jacob, a political science major, sees her as a worthy academic partner due to Cathy’s numerous endorsements by anonymous research collaborators. “She knows a few guys who can help clear the way for me in the field. Her efforts are indispensable to my career.” Vitale’s holistic interdisciplinary approach has caught the eyes of Feldstein and numerous would-be Politicians here at FAU, proving that unbridled ambition can take Owls anywhere. 

Esteemed forensics Professor Dr. McCoy speaks just as highly of her pupil, who arrives 1 hour early to class to stare at the references on blunt trauma and hairline fractures on her breakfast break. “She can stomach an egg sandwich while looking at stages of maggot development. Cathy is extremely focused, especially concerning matters on how one can potentially destroy identifying features of individuals post-mortem.” McCoy notes her dedication to her work and unwavering attention to otherwise arbitrary facts about disposal of remains and how far she parks her Corolla away from the building. “She’s one you have to watch out for.”

We at the Hoot will be watching to see just how far Vitale will go in her studies!

Think you’re funny? We are looking for dedicated writers, graphic designers, videographers, photographers, memers, and social media curators that want to contribute to our publication. Apply now! Application:
Deadline: November 1st.