Four-Way Stop Turns Into Mexican Standoff

With all four vehicles arriving simultaneously before the stop line, sources confirmed Monday that the four-way stop intersecting Brevard Court and Indian River Street turned into a tense Mexican standoff.

“So, what happens now?” said sophomore Melvin Scrimshire, frantically beckoning the driver ahead of him to proceed forward. “Isn’t it the person who needs to make a right turn that goes first? What if everyone needs to make a right? I should have known that paying my older brother to take my permit test for me would one day bite me in the ass.”

Other drivers involved in the standstill reportedly seized the opportunity to exercise their Second Amendment rights.

“Is this the part where we start shootin’?” exclaimed senior Doug Rivers gleefully, loading a sawed-off shotgun and spitting a wad of chewing tobacco into an empty bottle of Mountain Dew from behind the wheel of his Ford F-150. “‘Cause believe you me, I came prepared today. That’s why I had this here swan-off sittin’ pretty in the glove compartment. I’m about to show these soy-cuck liberals what they don’t teach you in driving school, ya hear?”

At press time, witnesses reported a tumbleweed rolling across the frozen four-way stop.