Freshman’s Mom Audits Classes To Keep An Eye On Her Son

The second week of classes have begun, and while the new freshmen are enjoying newfound freedom from their parents, local mom Heather Thomas is missing her only son, Jamie, a little too much, according to close sources. Thomas was always there for Jamie in high school, but now that he’s away at a new school and not under parental supervision, the worried mother has her concerns. 

After Jamie informed his mother of his class schedule, Thomas immediately researched all of her son’s professors and meeting times before auditing the corresponding courses. “He’s my baby,” Thomas commented. “I can’t let those 18 years of life go out the window. I sit in the corner of his classes, cheering him on silently whenever he answers a question correctly. I just want to see my little schmoopy exceed in life.”

When Mark Rhode, Jamie’s ENC 1101 professor, saw the same last names on the attendance sheet, he reportedly didn’t think much of it. “I have taught for 20 years and have seen identical last names,” Professor Rhode told reporters. “It doesn’t really mean anything. Most of the time they aren’t related. But when Mrs. Thomas came up to me after class today and asked me if I felt that her son was receiving enough individual attention, I was caught off guard. I feel bad for that kid. Having a helicopter mother isn’t what you want in college.” 

Other students in the class have caught on that there is an older woman in their class. “I think it’s a little weird that we have a student who is twice, maybe three times our age in my General Psychology class,” said concerned freshman Jeffrey Davis. “Maybe she’s coming back to finish her degree, but the way she acts when that kid Jamie answers a question right makes me feel like something else is going on. Maybe she’s his sugar momma, or maybe she’s just a cougar. Who knows?”

In the meantime, Jamie has said that his day-to-day routine has been perfectly normal and that he shares a strong bond with his mother. “Nothing out of the ordinary has happened. My mom just seems a little more interested in my school work than normal. I guess that’s what happens when you go to college. It’s not like she’s holding my hand and walking me to my classes. That would be weird.”