How To Tell Which FAU Iguanas Have Human Souls Trapped Inside Them

As more students return to in-person classes on campus, a new issue is coming to light: Campus Iguanas. While we already know Green Iguanas are an invasive species in Florida, their existence has even more malicious undertones: we now have reason to believe that human souls are trapped inside some of these reptiles. We’ve sat down with a mystic animal expert that broke down how to spot a human trapped in the body of a beast.
One of the first things you should be aware of is the eyes. Eyes, as we all know, are the windows to the soul. Carefully peer at the Iguana’s eyes as they crawl past you on campus. While normal ones would have an unresponsive, dark look to them, you may notice that human-soul iguanas have an urgency in their eyes that says, “I was once like you. I taught microbiology here before the incident! Help! HELPPPPP!”
Most campus iguanas can be found lounging by the lake behind the Spaceship Building. They generally crawl away from any humans that might be walking by, as to avoid conflict. Not human-iguanas, though. These beings will oftentimes slink their way towards you, leaving students and faculty picking up the pace to avoid them. Our animal expert theorizes that they “still think they’re in human bodies, and are trying to crawl to class.”
Lastly, some people have reported that they can ever so faintly hear certain iguanas whispering amongst one another. The voices are never loud, and only snippets are ever heard. Just don’t be surprised if you pass by them one day and hear a croaky voice whisper “…to freedom.”