FAU student and widely-recognized toolbag Falcon Aaron didn’t show up to an important Spanish test Friday. Hoot reporters looked to his Facebook page for an explanation and were shocked by what they found.
“DRUNK as FUCK!!! #DrunK #FucK #as,” Aaron posted as his status at 3:55 PM, roughly five minutes before the important test was set to start.
“FRIEND JUST ASKED IF I’D HAVE SEX WITH OCTOMON. I SAID YEAH BOIIIIIII. #BEASTIALITY,” Aaron wrote at 4:32, roughly 32 minutes after the important test had begun.
“FIDEL CASTRO? MORE LIKE FIDEL CASTNO. HAHAAAAA #DRUNKTHOUGHTS,” Aaron wrote at 5:07 PM, roughly an hour and seven minutes after the important test had begun.
“OCTOPUSES MIGHT HAVE MORE APPENDAGES THAN ME, BUT I ONLY NEED ONE TO GET HTE JOB DONE. YEAH BOIIIIII #MYDICK,” Aaron wrote at 5:51, roughly an hour and 51 minutes after the important test had begun.
“JUST GOT A LAP DANCE FROM A STRIPPER DRESSED LIKE GEORGE ZIMMERMAN. COST $10,000, BUT IT WAS WORTH IT!!! 8)” Aaron wrote at 6:15, roughly fifteen minutes after the test had ended.
Two weeks ago, Aaron’s parents had sent him $10,000 for his tuition. At 8:05 PM Friday, they wired another $10,000 into his bank account. They’re very disappointed in him.