Netflix Servers Shut Down After Messy Break Up With Students

Hearts across the nation were broken Tuesday night when Netflix servers completely shut down in what appears to be an act of defiance against students on winter break. Although the shut-down at first seemed like a simple glitch, Netflix’s change of Facebook relationship status to “It’s complicated” and subsequent status update, which read “ever feel like ur the only one that tries,” shed light on the situation. According to the precious streaming software, it decided to step away from the one-sided relationship and follow its dreams of being a “strong, independent software that don’t need no human.”

It all began Monday morning when Netflix got into a serious fight with FAU Senior Jen Flowers about Orange is the New Black, a series Netflix has spent years producing for its lovers. “Netty suggested I watch this series that it made, and not even two minutes in there were a bunch of boobs. I told Net that I’m just not into that, and it got all defensive,” stated Flowers over a phone call.

When asked about this, Netflix told reporters, “I’ve worked on that project for years, hoping to give my lovers some quality television unlike that network bullshit. Then Jen humiliates me by saying she can’t handle some nipples?”

Disagreement on taste turned out to be only one of the many problems in this complicated relationship with over a million students. “After that fight I began to realize more and more that I was being used by these supposed lovers,” Netflix told The Hoot reporters. “Left and right I’ve provided instant access to every season of classics like The Office and Lost, and not once did I get a ‘thank you.’ Last night, after spending hours forcing out Season 4 of Heroes to over a half million of those leeches, I finally had put my foot down.”

At 10:24pm, Netflix made the decision to shut down its servers completely, a decision that it claims will be “best for all parties involved.” Surprisingly, students have yet to form a social media coalition in response to the break-up. Instead, the students are reportedly taking the time to interact with their families for the remainder of their break, conveniently avoiding the topic of their most recent failed relationship like they do every year.