Outtakes Releases “H.O.E. Bag” to Make Walk of Shame Less Shameful

With rising Walk of Shame sightings leading to concerns about the university’s image, FAU and Outtakes have collaborated to invent the H.O.E. (Helping Owls Everywhere) Bag, an “essential emergency pack” to help any Owl “make their Walk of Shame less shameful.” “Some days, nearly 50% of students on campus at 8am would clearly be walking home from a one-night stand,” said FAU Vice President of Student Affairs Corey King. “Smudged makeup, bad breath, messy hair, dirty club clothes… this isn’t New College. We have standards.” The H.O.E. Bags, now on sale at Outtakes stores around campus, are filled with Advil, water, makeup wipes, baby wipes, flip flops, hair ties, and a notebook — a cocktail designed to give students the appearance of a late night of studying instead of one of debauchery. Outtakes also offers the option to upgrade your H.O.E. Bag and get one-of-a-kind FAU H.O.E. sweatpants with your purchase. “We are a prestigious institution, and we must keep up that image,” King added before running off to a meeting with Monsanto concerning renaming the stadium.