Student Accidentally Joins Cult Instead Of Fraternity

Sources confirmed Monday that freshman Chad Stuart joined a cult that he mistook for a fraternity. Stuart had reportedly been searching for an on-campus fraternity recruiter when he heard the sound of a mysterious chant echoing through the Breezeway and leading to a room with a sign marked “Saturdays are for the boys.” 

Unknowing of his mistake, Stuart entered the room and witnessed multiple men his age engaged in what he surmised were clandestine activities. According to Stuart, the men were dressed in boating attire, even though not a single boat appeared to be in sight. Half seemed to be practicing a type of initiation ritual, while the other half were designing matching T-shirts. 

When Stuart asked if the men were in Sigma Chi, they informed him that they did not belong to a fraternity, but rather “an elite group of men with similar values.” The freshman, however, was encouraged to join and pay the monthly fees, as he was reportedly just what they were searching for. At press time, Stuart claimed to have enjoyed the cult he had accidentally stumbled upon and decided to remain after discovering that it was a social organization officially associated with FAU.