Student Chains Self To Algonquin Hall: ‘I Will Go Down With This Ship’

After being informed about the future demolishment of Algonquin Hall, sophomore Lindsay Birkenstein chained herself to the dormitory Friday in protest of the summer construction project.

Campus police arrived at the scene after an RA called complaining that a student had chained herself to the exit, preventing the remaining residents of Algonquin from being able to move out.

“If you tear down the Gonk, you’ll have to tear me down with it! I don’t fear death! I will go down with his ship, don’t test me!” screamed Birkinstein as authorities attempted to remove her from the premises.

“Algonquin Hall is a cultural staple of the university,” Birkenstein continued. “FAU alumni Carrot Top lived there at some point, probably. Administration just doesn’t appreciate prop comedy the way that they should.”

Despite Birkinsten’s desperate pleas to cancel Algonquin’s demolishment, FAU administration remained firm in their decision.

After over an hour, firemen with chainsaws successfully removed the chains which bound Birkenstein to the door, freeing the hostages trapped inside Algonquin.  

“I just don’t get it,” one of the moving students commented. “It’s the cheapest place to live, yes, but its design is outdated and much like a prison. I don’t know why she’s bugging out about it.”

Birkinsten has been banned from campus for the summer term but will be returning in the fall where she plans to live in UVA.