FAU freshman Vincent Gregory was done with the simple “no thanks” while walking past pushy blood drive solicitors. A man on a mission to get to class on time, he saw the opportunity for a permanent solution this morning. “I grabbed that elderly man’s clip board and signed it ‘Earvin “Magic” Johnson Jr,’” stated Gregory. “Then I took his clipboard and did a lay-up into a tree with it.”
Common methods of avoiding the obtrusive blood drive workers include staring at a cell phone while not making eye contact or simply avoiding the red bus altogether. Gregory, however, was not after the one-time success of an “I have to get to class, sorry,” as he knew that would leave him with no excuse on the way back to his car. He was after longer-lasting success, while also being in the optimal situation of receiving the pre-donation donut. So, inspired by a recent Buzzfeed article on 5 Celebrities Living with HIV, Gregory chose to impersonate the wizard of basketball himself.
Gregory knew it would be easy to see through his 5’9” freshman facade, so he was really depending on the old man’s poor eyesight. “I’ve seen this guy every Tuesday on my way to class and always noticed his thick glasses. He wasn’t wearing them today, so I saw the opening and I took it,” Gregory claimed. He was almost positive it would work, but to ensure his success he took a step back and hook shot his water bottle into a nearby trashcan. Extremely impressed, the blood drive solicitor immediately asked for Magic’s autograph, which Gregory then hastily forged. When asked why use Magic Johnson as his go-to guy, he told us, “I was thinking Charlie Sheen might be a good option to go with here, but I figured the donation dude wasn’t completely up to date on tiger blood.” After the signing, the blood drive solicitor gave Gregory a blood drive shirt two sizes too big, and he was off on his way.
Although Gregory’s efforts to evade the blood drive solicitor were successful, they only got him as far as the breezeway before another solicitor attempted to make him donate to his cause. Sadly, his ploy to continue to portray Mr. Johnson ended abruptly when he realized the solicitor was collecting donations for AIDS & HIV awareness.