Student Disillusioned by Ordinary and Plain South Florida Spring Break

Andrew Jennings, a freshman liberal arts major who moved down from Nebraska to Florida at the beginning of Fall semester, was thoroughly disappointed upon his trying to do anything spring-break-y around Boca.

“Everything costs $20 or more. There are 4 colleges within a 15-mile radius, yet there are no college things to do. There is a beach, but somehow it’s a ‘bad’ beach. I didn’t know there could be bad beaches. I thought I was going to love the beach here, but I’m disgusted by it. What crossing of time and space is Boca Raton?” Jennings asked after taking a sip from his 7-Eleven Piña Colada Slurpee.

Reports show that Jennings and his friends decided to go to Hooters every night this week because they were “shit out of ideas.”

The Hoot found other spring breakers to ask what their plans were. 12% of students said they were going to walk the Spanish River Trail again, 34% said they were going to Gumbo Limbo again, and the remaining 54% said they were going to the Boca Museum of Art because they haven’t gone yet even though it’s free and open all the time.

Jennings tried for days to bring alive the dreams of a South Florida spring break promised to him by mid-2000s teenage rom-com films, but to no avail. He ultimately concluded that “the only good place to go that is close is Miami,” but that “Netflix is closer.”